Some say not to look back. Right now I find myself looking back at the last 4 months.
The Lord asked me to step into one of the most challenging seasons yet! Why would He ask me to do that? Because He loves me and sees so much more for me.
I remember finding out I was going to lead the outreach to Athens, Greece (and maybe to Albania as well) and being excited and nervous all at once! I had some crazy fear of the Lord when I realized I had no co-leader and less than 4 weeks to plan it. But I knew God's grace was more than enough. I was learning to lean on the Lord.
Being overseas felt completely like being put to the fire. As the heat increased and intensified, I realized how not-okay my heart was. I was so in need of healing, healing I didn't recognize until this season! It's crazy how much seeing face to face my fear and insecurity, and ultimately being broken, actually was all too apparent in this season. Like I had to choose time and time again not to run away when the going got tough. I had to choose time and time again, to be vulnerable and ask for grace and forgiveness when I made mistakes. I had to choose to not allow fear to hinder me, but rather to to be brave. Like every fiber in my being was screaming, and I would choose God. Most of everything in this leadership position was new! I had to learn to lead in this new capacity. Sometimes I learned by realizing, "oh maybe that's not the way to do things.. I probably shouldn't do that again." Other times, "wow! Thank you Jesus for showing me what to do! I should do this again!"
Love that in my own lack and inadequacy, Jesus was so real and so evident- Jesus was and is strong. I've seen how much He completely picked up my slack!
A lot of the times, hurt people hurt people. I hurt some of the students on my team, whom I was supposed to be leading. But praise God, in my weakness, He met each and every one of my students. Not saying, I didn't do a good job leading- I loved my students and wanted to see them transformed by the love of Jesus! What I'm saying is, I'm not perfect and so I did make mistakes- even/especially as a leader. But God never let me or my students down. I saw my students rise to the occasion in times of challenge, conflict, blessing, unity, disunity, etc. I was leading the best, and being impacted by my students. There is so much we can learn from those whom God allows in our lives in any given season.
What I'm getting at, is I'm loving looking back at this challenging season because I'm seeing God's goodness all throughout it. What seemed to be completely overwhelming and impossible, opened my heart to the greatest and deepest healing, transformation and intimacy with Jesus Christ. I would do it all over again. I would go through the wilderness and the fire again and again, if it meant: 1- greater freedom from what entangles, 2- greater purification and refinement so that nothing hinders, 3- deeper love and passion for Jesus, 4- more healing of my heart, dreams and hope, 5- clearer perspective and vision, and 6- knowing God, His voice and His heart better.
I'm not the same person I was 4 months ago. Maybe I'm a little more broken today than I was back then, but I've never known or loved Jesus as much as I do now. I would like to think I look and act a lot more like Him, and that alone is worth every trial, test and temptation. Jesus is worth it all.
You do not get the rose without the thorn. Earthly afflictions are but for a moment. Joy always comes in the morning. The Lord is having His way in us because He loves us. Truly, He is working all things out for our good. What a privilege it is to trust the Lord. We are so blessed. We are loved.
The Lord asked me to step into one of the most challenging seasons yet! Why would He ask me to do that? Because He loves me and sees so much more for me.
I remember finding out I was going to lead the outreach to Athens, Greece (and maybe to Albania as well) and being excited and nervous all at once! I had some crazy fear of the Lord when I realized I had no co-leader and less than 4 weeks to plan it. But I knew God's grace was more than enough. I was learning to lean on the Lord.
Being overseas felt completely like being put to the fire. As the heat increased and intensified, I realized how not-okay my heart was. I was so in need of healing, healing I didn't recognize until this season! It's crazy how much seeing face to face my fear and insecurity, and ultimately being broken, actually was all too apparent in this season. Like I had to choose time and time again not to run away when the going got tough. I had to choose time and time again, to be vulnerable and ask for grace and forgiveness when I made mistakes. I had to choose to not allow fear to hinder me, but rather to to be brave. Like every fiber in my being was screaming, and I would choose God. Most of everything in this leadership position was new! I had to learn to lead in this new capacity. Sometimes I learned by realizing, "oh maybe that's not the way to do things.. I probably shouldn't do that again." Other times, "wow! Thank you Jesus for showing me what to do! I should do this again!"
Love that in my own lack and inadequacy, Jesus was so real and so evident- Jesus was and is strong. I've seen how much He completely picked up my slack!
A lot of the times, hurt people hurt people. I hurt some of the students on my team, whom I was supposed to be leading. But praise God, in my weakness, He met each and every one of my students. Not saying, I didn't do a good job leading- I loved my students and wanted to see them transformed by the love of Jesus! What I'm saying is, I'm not perfect and so I did make mistakes- even/especially as a leader. But God never let me or my students down. I saw my students rise to the occasion in times of challenge, conflict, blessing, unity, disunity, etc. I was leading the best, and being impacted by my students. There is so much we can learn from those whom God allows in our lives in any given season.
What I'm getting at, is I'm loving looking back at this challenging season because I'm seeing God's goodness all throughout it. What seemed to be completely overwhelming and impossible, opened my heart to the greatest and deepest healing, transformation and intimacy with Jesus Christ. I would do it all over again. I would go through the wilderness and the fire again and again, if it meant: 1- greater freedom from what entangles, 2- greater purification and refinement so that nothing hinders, 3- deeper love and passion for Jesus, 4- more healing of my heart, dreams and hope, 5- clearer perspective and vision, and 6- knowing God, His voice and His heart better.
I'm not the same person I was 4 months ago. Maybe I'm a little more broken today than I was back then, but I've never known or loved Jesus as much as I do now. I would like to think I look and act a lot more like Him, and that alone is worth every trial, test and temptation. Jesus is worth it all.
You do not get the rose without the thorn. Earthly afflictions are but for a moment. Joy always comes in the morning. The Lord is having His way in us because He loves us. Truly, He is working all things out for our good. What a privilege it is to trust the Lord. We are so blessed. We are loved.